Thursday, July 28, 2011

Emilie Beaumont, Chp. 3, Gen. 2,1724

~August, 1724~
Dear Diary:

     Seeing Bernard for the first time in five years, without a word from him- I just lost my sanity for a moment.

     I don't even regret all the screaming I did at him.  As far as I'm concerned, he deserved every last bit of it.  I sure hope it didn't bother any neighbors.

      I shrieked about all the pain I went through alone- how I was determined to move on, but that I still needed guidance and help from someone.  My father wasn't there for me.  My sisters couldn't take away the sharp hurt I felt inside.
     "You dare show your face around here after all these years and expect me to be delighted to see you?" I growled.  I didn't even attempt to be a polite young lady as Maman had tried to teach me to be.  I wasn't a young child anymore.  
     Bernard tried to apologize.  He tried to make it right, but I would not give him the pleasure.  
     "You can try all you want, but I'll never love you again.  I've found new love now.  You cannot stop me from doing what I want.  Frederique is wonderful.  I just may marry him someday- possibly soon."

     I could see the pure hurt on his face, the disbelief in his eyes, and it made me feel triumphant.  He could feel only the fraction of the suffering I did, but it made me smirk to myself in greed.  I have never thought of myself as evil, but I think I needed to let out the pent up feelings I had kept inside me over the years.
     "Get off our land!" I spat.  "Or I will call for my father.  And don't you ever come back."

     But as he walked away, shoulders slumped, I felt a twist of guilt rising inside.  Maybe I was a little hard.  But, now that I think of it, the confrontation reminds me very much of an argument my mother and I had very long ago.  It's difficult for me to remember, but I do believe it had something to do with my hair.  I was too hard on Maman.  I felt badly about it... But this situation was totally different.  I was the one who had suffered more.

     If only I knew what to do!  Since Bernard has returned, I do see him around town, always looking sadly at me.  Usually, Frederique is with me.  I try to make it seem to Bernard that I am deeply in love with Frederique, but the truth is, the more I try to fake it, the more unhappy I am.  What should I do, dear diary?


     The truth was, Emilie was not happy in the least.  She was continuing to feel guilty about her explosion with Bernard, but she recognized that she was still extremely upset with him, and that she truly meant everything she had said.  
    How could he arrive and think I'd be just fine? Nothing is fine.  Nothing at all. 

     Once Emilie had explained everything to Claude, she asked him what she should do.
    "Emilie, I think you have a right to feel upset with Bernard, but-"
    "OF COURSE I have a right to feel upset with him!  He could have stayed with us, or something."  
    "Now, Emilie-"
    "Papa, I'm sorry, but we could have made it work.  HE could have made it work.  If he really and truly cared about me, he would have.  I guess I didn't do anything wrong at all.  I guess he did deserve what I said."
    "You know what?  Actually much of this is your fault, Father!  You weren't there for us children at all.  You moped around like each day was your last.  Where were you when we needed guidance?  Where were you when we cried ourselves to sleep?  WHERE WERE YOU?" Emilie yelled.  Claude turned to face his daughter with her reddened face and teary eyes.
     "You will never speak to me like that again."  He left the room quietly.

      Mabeline, who had heard everything, thought hard in the silence.  
     "It- it was his fault, wasn't it, Mabeline?  Those long, chilly nights when we had no mother to comfort us.  We had a father who was not there, either.  We had to mourn ourselves to sleep."
     But Mabeline spoke no words in return, as Emilie really wasn't expecting an answer.  Emilie had lost all control of the situation.  Mabeline knew exactly what she needed to do.

     For her sister's sake.


     Father Traske showed up right on time, according to the ancient clock that rested upon the living room end table.  Emilie, who did not invite him, was confused.
     "Greetings, Father Traske.  May I ask what brings you here today?"
     "Greetings, Emilie.  I have been told that you needed someone to speak with."

     Emilie almost laughed.  "That will not be necessary, Father.  I am... really quite fine."
     Father Traske did not look fooled.  "Do not lie to yourself, Emilie.  It is chaos in disguise."
     With that, Emilie couldn't keep her secret from him any longer.

     "Surely you remember Bernard DeCuir from Sunday worship at the church, a few years back?" 
     The Father nodded.  "He moved away."
     "Yes," Emilie replied.  "But he came back.  As young children, we were best friends, then later we became lovers.  When my mother died-" Father Traske nodded sympathetically "-he moved away from me at a time when I needed him most.  He had options, he could have stayed.  But he left me to struggle by myself. Father Traske, you don't understand.  I had no one but my sisters.  We didn't know how to make the pain go away.  We needed someone, though my father was not there for us.  And now Bernard, who has caused me even more pain, has come back, expecting me to love him just as much as I did when he left."

     "But, Father, I yelled and screamed at him.  I don't even regret it.  He deserved to feel a slice of the hurt I felt over all these years.  I saw it in his eyes.  I told him to never come back again.  And I told him I had found new love- and that I would never love him again.  
     "And I have... To a certain extent.  Frederique, he is my new lover.  But when I am around Bernard, I fake it even more."
     "Even more?"
     "I have not quite identified my, um, feelings for Frederique... yet."
     Father Traske nodded suspiciously.

     "There was a time when I dreamed of marrying him!  But now I do despise that rotten, wicked-"  Father Trask glared.  Her cheeks turned pink and she apologized.
     "Emilie, your problem is that you are letting your past get in the way of your future."
     "I have a right to be upset-"
     "Of course you do.  But, let us not hold grudges against God's children."

     "But, Father Traske-"
     "Silence.  According to God's book, how many times do we forgive each other?"

     "I don't know-"
     "Well, you should.  According to Him, we forgive our brothers 7 times 77 times.  That is how many times you should forgive Bernard.  You can do the math if you feel so inclined, but that is not the point.  You are bright, Emilie.  I can see it in your eyes.  You can figure it out."
     "But-" Emilie started, then fell silent.  

     "7 times 77 times...  But one of the most important things is to be truthful to yourself.  Goodbye, Emilie.  I can tell you will make the right decision."  Father Traske left with a nod of his head, leaving Emilie deep in thought.
     Bernard couldn't really leave his family at age 17... I know he loved me, but would I have really left my family at that age?  I would have been scared.  I wouldn't have been ready.  I suppose I really do need to apologize to him, but I really do not want to...  I can't believe how loud I was screaming... And how rude I really was...  Maybe there is a way I can make it up to him.  But I will not go back to being his love...  Emilie thought back to the times when she first knew Bernard...

     When he made fun of her just for laughs...

     When they talked about who knows what...

     When they were friends...

     When they were in love.

      By the time Emilie had made her decision, it was starting to get dark.  She was forbidden to leave the house at dusk, but she did not care.  Her father's rules were not at all important at the moment.

     Emilie ran to the family's carriage, which, to her surprise, still had Thunder attached to the harness.

     Thunder had never failed the Beaumonts.  Emilie prayed that he wouldn't fail now.

     "Okay, boy, it's just you and me.  Think you can go fast?"
     The horse whinnied in reply.  He seemed a little uncertain, in Emilie's opinion.
     "I know Claude is the one who normally handles you, but I'm all you have now," Emilie said as she stepped up into the carriage and grabbed hold of the whip.  Usually, handling the horse was considered man's work, but, like her own mother long ago, Emilie felt a feeling of exhilaration and adrenaline as she took a breath and whipped the horse.

     Emilie could tell it was going to be a bumpy ride... 


*The Antique Legacy*
Emilie Beaumont


  1. I love this chapter! It's so exciting! Plus I'm a sucker for mushy romance (I hope it's going in that direction anyway) :D

  2. Yey go Emilie! She really let Bernard know how she felt huh!

  3. I LOVED IT!! It surprised me when she snapped at her father too, but I understood why she was so angry. I can't wait for the next chapter!

  4. SO looking forward to the next one :D ! This was absolutely incredible!

  5. Thanks to all of you! :) Yeah, Claude really needs to know how much time he spent alone instead of helping his daughters through Elizabeth's death.

    And maybe we will see some mushy romance soon ;D

  6. I am so glad that Emily has come to her senses. I just hope it isn't too late.

    She really has a temper, but I like her!

  7. run emily must make up to Bernard..I love this chapter and can't wait to see what happens.