Emilie Beaumont, Chp. 4, Gen. 2, 1724

~August, 1724~
Dear Diary:

     I knew at that moment, when I dismounted Thunder and stepped out onto Bernard's land that I had made so many mistakes in my short life.  I hoped that Bernard would be able to forgive me as I have forgiven him.  It is still painful for me to think about the lonely cold nights when no one was there for me, but I suppose that is in the past.  
     It's time to move on.

     "Bernard?" I called so softly I could barely hear myself.  But he must have heard, for he turned around slowly. 

     Bernard looked slightly amused in a smug way.  I felt embarrassed to just be standing there.  "I need to talk to you, Bernard."
     "What are you doing here?  You should not be out at this time of night, Emilie."
     "Would you please just come over here so we can talk?"  I thought he would protest, but he did not have any unfriendly comments to spit back at me.  This made me even more afraid.  But he started walking toward me, and I relaxed a bit.  

     Bernard looked down at the ground.  "What is it you wanted to discuss?"
     "I... well..."  I felt a flash of anger, but I willed it away- as hard as it was to do.
     "I really just wanted to apologize to you.  I know it may not be easy to forgive me, but I want you to know that it was not easy for me to forgive you.  Now I know that I was acting ridiculously and I am so sorry.  You may never truly understand all the pain I felt while you were away, and I took it all out on you.  I was unfair.  Maybe it's because you have always been there for me, always as someone who I could talk to and ask for advice from.  And when you were gone, I was alone."

     I sighed.  "I am so sorry, Bernard.  I really don't have anything else to say.  I'm just so sorry.  And if you can't forgive me right away, I do understand.  Father Traske had to talk to me about forgiveness.  And I've learned to forgive.  And I always will.
     "And I'm afraid that I said all that I did about Frederique because I wanted you to feel hurt like I did.  I understand that was wrong on my part.  I am truly sorry for every ounce of harm I have caused you.  Maybe there is something wrong with me..."
     Bernard looked at me.  "You have to forgive yourself, too, Emilie."
     I gazed into his eyes and was surprised at what I saw.  He was not mad, not in the slightest.  He had a sparkle of what I identified as amusement.  Maybe even love.  Is it possible he could still love me after all that we'd been through?  I wondered what my eyes said to him.  I was so upset with myself.  How could I treat him that way?

     I looked deeper into his eyes and I saw forgiveness.  "Thank you for being understanding, Bernard."  I felt just like a teenager again.  With my true love...

     How could I have lied to myself? I don't love Frederique! I love Bernard!  But I knew that before we could be together again, I needed to do something very important first...

     "Stop, Bernard!  I have to break things off with Frederique first...  I want to be faithful to whomever I am with.  That includes him.  I cannot see you again until I have ended my relationship with Frederique."  Bernard let go and wished me good luck.  I knew that Frederique was not going to be happy.  But it had to be done.


     Yours,
          Emilie
*************************************************************************

     Hettie seemed to sense there was something going on with Emilie.  Emilie was no longer moping around but had a new surge of energy about her.  Hettie was slightly suspicious, but she had an idea of what Emilie was doing.

     "Why is Frederique here so early? You never invite him before midday." Hettie asked.
     "I needed to tell him something important.  And you are NOT allowed to eavesdrop, either," Emilie raised her eyebrows.  Hettie just smiled and walked on. 

     Frederique wanted to talk on and on about politics- hardly even letting Emilie speak a word, which Emilie found rude and boring.  It was considered rude for men to speak politics in front of women.  Instead of listening, she daydreamed about Bernard.

     When she finally did get an opportunity, Frederique was not cooperative.  
     "You don't want to be with me anymore? Preposterous... I'll give you some time to realize your mistake..."

     "You do not get it!  I am serious.  I don't think we are right for each other." Emilie was starting to get upset.  "You talk to me about politics- you're rude and only care about yourself.  Please leave before I start yelling."

     Frederique refused to leave.  
     "Get out of my house.  Do I need to call for my father?"  With that, Frederique scampered off like a stray dog, but not before he said, "This is not the end!  You will pay for this!"


**************************************************************************

     And, Emilie was back in Bernard's arms- where she felt she belonged the whole time.  It just took a little learning before one could find their true love. <3

     And, Emilie decided, I will marry Bernard, with or without my father's blessings.  I'm my own person, and this is my own life.

     And Hettie, who had watched everything from a corner, couldn't stop giggling and admiring Mabeline's work.

******************************************************************************

*The Antique Legacy*

Emilie Beaumont